justrun-.

~~explanation~~ lie? don't want to hear it.

my back is "bleeding" from a "stab wound".

first time in my entire life. it's more than bad luck, more than traumatic, more than psychologically damaging.

fine, if you really wanted to do that to me. why at sports fest heats? WHY. at the expense of my own house- richardson.

i know you don't come here so i will rattle on happily. even if you somehow find ur way here through the pword, i don't really care what you'll think. i don't.

i thought everyone was wrong, i thought.. i could trust you. i thought you treated me as a friend. well well, note the past tense.

was super angry yesterday, but it's blown over. and now i'm a mixture of angry, confused and (very) traumatised.

you probably wldn't even admit to anything. you'd probably cover up with another (literally) dozen lies. seriously, seriously. WHY was i that gullible? that stupid. to actually believe ur lies. it's not a matter of "a 3000m race" or "an inter-sch meet" or even a "misunderstanding". it's MONTHS of trust and friendship.. or should i say "friendship". everything's falling into place now, the lies make sense. they make complete sense. you scheming, cold-hearted loser. if you wanted the points that badly, you could've told me straight. i'd have given them to you. that just was NOT the way to go about it. just because i'm in ur freaking division, does NOT give you the right to do all this.

i'm still wondering why i forced myself to tolerate ur nonsense. you know how many freaking times i wanted to slam you straight in ur face? i just bit my lip, i actually felt guilty for thinking of you that way. i actually worried about and cared for you. can you believe that?! cos i can't seem to. what did i mean to you, really. just tell me. WHAT did i mean to you. wait, no, don't speak. i don't want to listen to any of your excuses, any more of your LIES. i can't even figure out when was the last time you told me the TRUTH.

hah. puh-lease, enough of ur showing off. i don't care how much money you have, how many guys have asked for ur number, how strict ur coach is, how many times u say you want to breakup with some guy, how painful you say ur shin is. i don't care anymore. lies. how could someone betray my trust like that?! how.. i ask myself, HOW. go run to ur dearest "brother". go, run far far away from me. eat as many dinners, watch as many movies with him.

you know i bet you don't even know i know about all this. you're probably thinking that it's a matter of "pat slowed down for me". no matter how "i'm unworthy of receiving these pts cos pat slowed down for me" you may portray urself to be. no matter how "i'm going to dq myself everybody, i'm so bold" you may seem... it's not going to change a thing.

somehow, i'm feeling happy that this happened during sports fest now. NOT during sch nationals. i was so stupid to believe you... so freaking stupid that i'm willing to call myself an idiot.

i only want to apologise to my house. for making you lose points for a loser like her. she calls herself a runner, a bucklean, a christian, a rafflesian, a friend. i don't know how to confront you... perhaps i don't want to- ever.

even if she dqs herself to try to be the "bold" one. you still won't be giving my hse the pts we cld've gotten. making me drop to 3rd instead of the 1st i cld've gotten. if you dq urself, i'll get 2nd. that still isn't 1st. (if you haven't realised) i feel so stupid. so loser, so dumb.

i'm sorry candice, sabby, andrea. i'm sorry for not listening to you before the race. when you told me that she was just trying to manipulate me. when you said you "didn't know she could sink that low". i thought you were all wrong, i thought "-------'s shin is more impt". i thought "no, ------- wouldn't lie to me..". wth was i thinking?! thanks for still standing by me before, during and after the race (: i've learnt my lesson. thank goodness it wasn't sch nats. gosh. man, i really love you guys! x) made me feel so much better. turns out that i didn't know ------- at all. now i do, and i'll never forget.

to think she actually had the guts to act it all out. there were tears involved, there was limping involved. go join limp bizkit, limp ur precious days away there. nono, you know what? elds! you can act so well. or maybe just run to ur "U19 national rugby team" that you claim to be in. claim.

i'm sorry for buckle too. it's a pity they have a member of the house who's like that. i always thought buckle was a very honourable house. you know what? i don't think my opinion of them should change, cos ur the only exception, ur not even deserving to be called a rafflesian. no intention to be mean, just my opinion.

hah, if you lie to -- ---, i'm going to get even more angry. you're just degrading urself. seriously...

for once, i'm not feeling guilty about feeling this way. simply cos i canNOT see how this could be a misunderstanding. there's too much proof. i've got all the eye-witnesses anyway (:

i am disgusted. very very disgusted.

--------------------

okay! nuff about -------. i'm sorry for bitching about her all day long. hee just really sigh, traumatised. like seriously, i'm so freaked out now. don't know if i can ever look at running the same way again. i know i'll never be able to look at her the same way again. i don't want to.

sch today was okay. just that my eye is super swollen. it's a "front row" thing la. aich, joops and i all have "love bites". (insect bites la, they love us too much). and yestd aich had a sore eye, today it's my turn. i suppose joopie's turn will be soon.

klui is funny! hee.

ohohoh.
descartes (dey-cart)
wecartes (we-cart)
hope you get the joke!

"life is unfair"
"life is tanned"
-chuckles loudly

i love my class a lot.

thankyou sainying and aich and joop! and denise and shitien and everyone elseeee for listening to me bitch bout -------. i promise joop that i will break off from being friends with her. i was never her friend anyway, as much as she WAS mine. gosh i'm still shocked.

gah i hope ppl read this . lol or else i feel stupid saying thankyou when they dont' come here. -snorts.

[pat]* decided to runaway-.

put on her shoes at [15:52]

and took [20050304] strides

it's the passion that drives you